So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I am available for nakedness
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