I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Randomize
