I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
