I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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