I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
