pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
