Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
