Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Randomize
