is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
