i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
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