That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Randomize
