Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize