just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
