mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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