did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
