she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
