I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
