She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
