I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
