So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
