I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
