U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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