All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
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