She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
