why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
