I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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