Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Randomize
