i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Randomize
