i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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