I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
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