my soul wont recognize me after tonight
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
