xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Why can't burritos get me drunk
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Randomize
