I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
I love you.
Bad choice
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
