I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Randomize