Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Randomize
