remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
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