i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
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