what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Never underestimate the power of titties
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