Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
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Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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