Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
