Dual....:-)
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Randomize
