Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
