Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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