real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I FOUND THE LEGS
I supernannyed him into submission
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
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