I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize