there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
