Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
Randomize
