I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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