Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Rumble strips road head = magical
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Randomize
