Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
