i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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