Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
And then my night got REAL pukey
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
