That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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