When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Randomize
