I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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