you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
