So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
