he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
