So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
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