tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
