I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
