All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
NoShamevember. You game?
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
