I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize