Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
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