we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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