Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
