for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
