I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
