Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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