So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
