Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
