this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
