Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
