Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Randomize
