nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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