i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
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