just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize