Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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