with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize
