pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Randomize
