Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
