when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
