New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
