She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
