69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
