The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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