Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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