I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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