you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
