You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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