Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
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