everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
He shit in the fireplace
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
