oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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