I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Randomize
