ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
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