Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
