I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
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