Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
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