He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize