TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Randomize
