Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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