Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
she told me i tasted like america
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Randomize
