i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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