dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Randomize
